bullets.

why? busy...duh.

- half bath is painted (thanks mom)
- jake went to the groomer...he is so clean and shedding less (i think)
- house is transforming....sort of. marilyn monroe is pulling it all together.
- mom spent the weekend at the house painting, hanging pictures, and running to lowe's/home depot
- af shipment came on saturday :) huge box which was fun
- suddenly j.crew had everything i have been looking for (apparently) in an xs so i racked up
- cleaned out the closet (again)
- generally not relaxing. must stay busy to keep from crumbling.

when it rains, it pours. stress and anxiety are out of control. cant be still. cant stop moving. i need time. life.

on.the.way.

went absolutely ape at the af secret sale on monday. as much as i try to get away from that damn store i am constantly sucked back in. now more than ever. 

before when i was 44 pounds heavier it was easy to avoid it because shit fit weird (read tight)....now i have accepted the fact that i am a little dude and a.f. fits perfect. short(er) shorts, t-shirts, pull overs, etc.  i am nearly positive i have two shirts that actually say "FITCH" on the front.....the rest are not walking billboards. khaki, red, blue, and now green shorts....i am hardly able to contain my excitement. 

i am a hyper active kid on christmas morning waiting on the box to be delivered! i really do think it is 12 or 13 shirts and a pair of shorts. 

drained.

1. diagnosed with chronic hives.
2. no allergies - CH caused by stress...and anxiety. no wonder i have them every day for years.
3. not sleeping well again.
4. distracted and sort of lost inside.
5. 9 years ago this past sunday my life was turned upside down. it hurt. i cried. then shut the door on that day forever.
6. more new art in the house.
7. mom convinced me to start painting the house again. it's only money and time. who cares.
8. reconnected with an old friend from h.s. LT and i are getting ready to tear it up downtown.
9. started shopping again....clothes situation is out of control.
10. hard to smile...again. thank you mama jo for always having an opinion and giving me a place in your heart to lay mine when it hurts.

my.boy.

luckily my mom (and dad) are willing to take care of my little furry black four legged handsome boy when i travel to and fro from SoCal and other business affairs. for the first time ever jake was not a prince for "gammer." turd didn't sleep, whined, moped, and pouted the entire four days/nights i was gone. i left my office at 4 straight up.....i had been there since 5 and while there were two naps involved i was in desperate need of a shower (i'd hit my 12 hour limit at about 7 a.m. eastern time). plans to meet tay-tay for dinner flopped partially because my dog will NOT let me even walk to the garage and partially because he is working late.

tonight i am drinking beer and eating pizza right out of the box with out a plate....dont judge! i've been craving some nasty grease.

p.s. sofia grace and rosie crack me up. 

the.end.

the.best.laid.plans.of.mice.and.men...

:) i LOVE john steinbeck. anyways, moving on. i've noticed the last two weekends that while i have a plan for each day (always!) sometimes the downtime between "plans," is too idle. i know at one point in my life i would have thought that having too much time didn't exist. oh.yes.it.does.

now, this is partially my fault....okay all my fault. about 5 months ago i decided that i no longer wanted to clean this house by myself and that bringing in housekeepers every other week was a great idea. PERFECT! i don't have to dust, clean toilets, mop, wipe baseboards etc. then spring came along a little earlier than expected (great, no big deal), and i started cutting the grass every 7 days or so....then i noticed i also needed to edge. THEN i decided that this yard (much like the house) is too damn big and why should i be doing yard work if i really don't "have" to....see where this is going? so, i hired a guy to cut the grass, edge, blow, etc! awesome! i will have so much more time to do other things. 

OTHER THINGS? OTHER THINGS LIKE WHAT!?!? well in my head i would be doing other things like playing guitar more, reading more, laundry more, playin' in the jeep more, working out / running more, etc. mind you, i had plenty of time to do these things prior to the lack of house work and yard work only now i had even MORE time! woo hoo! yeah, not. 

i have found that my new work schedule (really coming and going as i please depending on my sleep schedule which means going in a little later and staying a little later) was leaving me just the right amount of time to get home, walk jake, work out, read/tv/guitar/laundry/shop/tan etc was perfect. i was no longer sitting around at 8 p.m. wondering what the hell i could do for another TWO hours before it was acceptable to go to bed...i.e. lay awake for hours and hours. so i have fixed one of my "too much time" problems. working out / running on the regular makes me tired! YAY i can actually go to sleep and stay asleep and feel amazing the next morning (most of the time!).

the weekends? eh not so much. weekends are the definition of TOO MUCH TIME when your girl is 2300 miles away and everyone you know has "normal people" things to do. weekends have been pretty busy. always having a jam packed saturday and a semi packed sunday up until recently. working at dad's shop takes up half of saturday (thank goodness). then we typically hang out the rest of the day. just me and my dad. which means we look at expensive tech gadgets. first it was laptops, then beats, then cameras...well kind of still is cameras. i am obsessed with the nikon j1. i can't pull the trigger because it's just a lot of money for a camera. the last two weekends have been kind of out of the norm leading me to sit on the couch looking at jake who sits in his bed looking at me like "this sucks." then we both fall asleep in the floor. love my boy.

thank goodness next weekend is mother's day weekend which means, PLANS!! it also means cousins! it means busy!

just for kicks - here is a list i made at some juncture, it consists of the three things that i tend not to lose interest in.

-layin' on the beach/pool

-playing guitar (typically after dark)

-watching sports

t-h-u-r-s-d-a-y

typically thursday nights at 8 p.m. i am sitting in a sports bar with at least my dad. sometimes tad and more recently mom and meemaw too. tonight, i am sitting on the couch (first time this week), catching up on the dvr, and waiting on this supposed thunder storm to roll in.

monday - last day/night of the month and i finished dad's books for april after work
tuesday - tanned, apple, cheeky
wednesday - pedi with mom (to get rid of the damn mud that stained my toes saturday) and dinner
thursday - TODAY thank goodness! housekeepers :)

tuesday/wednesday/thursday i have dealt with the damn hickory / grass allergies. i decided that a single 10 mg claritin was ridiculous....so i took two. and then took two more 22 hours later. i guess it didn't help that i couldn't keep my ass out of the jeep at night.

hoping for a laid back weekend. ideally i want to finish the dragon so i can go to the bookstore and lose control with starbucks, but i'm fairly certain that wont happen. in fact i have kind of lost interest half way done with book three :(

i have decided that "quiet night on the couch" should be changed to "drink beer on a stool and play guitar," which means, i'm freakin bored out of my mind.....i'll just read the dragon.

SINCE WHEN DO I GET BORED?

saturday.in.pictures.

recap:

after the dirty girl 2012 5k

 prior to shower but after hose...my ear was full of mud

 shirt

 letting dad drive me to dinner in the jeep 

dad with his pro beats and new computer explaining why eggs are white...VERY LOUDLY!!

 sunday jeep shopping w/ momma and picked up these bad boys at abbadabbas on the cheap!

rest of the weekend spent napping, reading, and a tiny bit of work.

i know alot of people saw the video of the boy with two moms addressing his state congress....he wrote a book "my two moms" and i am picking it up one night this week when i finally wrap the dragon trilogy. in other news, SoCal's birthday present will be here tuesday or wednesday and i can't wait!!!

two more weekends until four days of palm springs with my lady!

meemaw's.five.

1. meemaw broke her damn arm.
2. meemaw is retiring...forcefully for the second time.
3. meemaw isn't driving anymore...forcefully.
4. meemaw is seeing a neurologist for alzheimer's.
5. meemaw is otherwise in perfect health.

it's been hard to wrap my mind around what this means; to really accept the things that are happening and the changes that are real. truth is, i'm half a year away from 28 and she is 84. she is our matriarch, our glue, my strength, and to many she is the sweetest soul on earth. she is confident and honest. emotionally she is a rock. she has lived the last 26.5 years without her husband and the last almost 14 months without her only son. she's a good sport when i tease her and a sponge when i teach her. my family is lucky to have her, to have learned from her, to experience life through the tiny elephant-like eyes that we all look to for comfort, reassurance, or our own happiness. behind those eyes is a woman that has spent the majority of her life away from her homeland and her family. a woman who knows heartbreak and heartache. a woman who has told me in some of my darkest hours, "when you get mad, you cry and that's ok. just do it and then move on."i'll lift her up anyway that i can - i adore the ground her size 5 feet walk on and i stand in awe of everything she is.

i have cried a little everyday this week, but i haven't moved on. i'm anxious to see her again and bend down to hug her little frame and kiss the cheek that comforts like the calm after a raging storm.

i am so happy that she met my girl last week, it was really really important to me. the picture of the two of them is super sweet.

bizzy.

that's how it sounds with an accent. today i had to remove the heads of several agents from their respective rectums. those are always fun conversations...especially for those that sit outside my office and can hear my side of the conversation.

disclaimer: apparently you can tell i'm from good ol' GA when i get good and pissed off. (also when i'm tired/sleepy).

regardless, things are looking rather impressive for april...yes already. three months in a row? yes sir. high fivin', talkin' shit, and tearin' in to reports.

i was even called a sweet heart by a client today....AND she has met me....in person :) clearly that was a day i was shakin' hands and kissin' babies....not fighting fire with fire. (aka spewing the profanities that roll so easily off my tongue).

seriously, i was in the office from 7a-5p and then workin' it from the home office and the cell phone from 5:50-7:45. wednesday needs to tread lightly.

emergency.response.testing.

in other words, the whole office worked from home today. i went to bed sort of early for me (as of late, anyway) and slept until 4. at 4 i let jake out, drank the last of the purple gatorade, jake drank water, i did a little work then we went back up to bed and slept until 7. nicely done eh?

day starts at 7 and waiting on everyone to "show up" took until a little after 9. then came the policing of who is actually working. a quick task search revealed that they were all working however all the asset manager's except for the few out of state AM's were saving all of their marketing plans and list price reductions for tomorrow. sneaky. i ran at lunch time...totally could get used to that idea. hit the grocery store at 5 and it absolutely doesn't feel at ALL like a monday.

i found out the kentucky v. kansas game doesn't even tip until 9:30. that means the championship game and the END to march madness will not be over until after midnight. there is so much money on the line that i have to know who wins (kentucky) before i go to sleep.

now? lounging on the couch...kind of reading...kind of looking around. i wish i didn't hate everything on t.v. perhaps i should start recording more shows so it's a little less painful.