the.moment.the.world.stopped.

this afternoon the world stopped for a moment as news broke that a music icon and legend had died. 

michael jackson 1958-2009

regardless of his personal struggles, some that hurt me to the core, he has single handedly shaped the music industry and defined and redefined what it means to the world. more than elvis and more than the beatles, m.j. has inspired and influenced the careers of countless musicians, singers, songwriters, and entertainers. a genius. 

tonight i am still dumbfounded and numb with an incredible sense of appreciation for the legacy he has left behind for it has shaped a huge part of my livelihood, music.

r.i.p.

house.

our house is beautiful.

we have been here since 5/28 and it is more and more amazing each time we drive up and walk inside.

everything is wonderful:
-new furniture
-walk in closet
-huge bathroom
-waking up next to her in a king size bed
-hardwoods downstairs
-clean kitchen
-coffee from the keurig

and the list goes on.

summer.favorites.

1. dq chocolate dipped cones

2. ipod music with sunroof open from mcfarland to home

3. green tevas cpg bought me for xmas

4. cooking out (chicken/steak) with cpg

5. beer on the patio with cpg and jake

6. shoulder length summer cut

7. bachelorette

8. popscicles

9. shorts and t-shirts

10. shopping for 9 at american eagle, af, and hollister

11. weekends with cpg

12. braves baseball / college world series

six.

i feel better about tomorrow, than i ever have this day.

for all of the guidance, patience, encouragement, and understanding - those who know the significance of this day can rest easy, for i am at peace (today).

this year, my struggle came much sooner than i expected. my sleepless nights and tear  filled days came around the middle of may - when i couldn't let my armor crack. stress at an all time high with a life long dream coming through, i crumbled. 

this year, is more of a thank you. this year i have surpassed my own expectations yet failed once again at keeping my own promises.

thank you for scarring my heart and burning a hole in my soul - i am callous and okay with it.

thank you for forcing me to skip a much needed goodbye - i miss her most in april, that door may never close.

thank you for forcing me to suffer, only to realize a much sweeter victory.

thank you for hurting me so badly that i never thought i'd recover, only to meet the love of my life months after my all time low. 

thank you for the vivid memories not only of that day but also of the slow journey to now, it drives me to succeed.

thank you for leading me to believe i would never be anything more than i was to you - trash. 

thank you for lying, thank you for two trials, thank you for showing me that i can stand up to uncertainty, fear, and anger and prove to myself it is alright to hurt and cry and remember. because i do. especially now. especially tomorrow. 

thank you for leaving me lost and alone so that i could force others to suffer and worry about me while reaching out - we have overcome.

tonight i am fearful of tomorrow - my sixth june 3rd since the world falls. tonight i am grateful to a family that clings still to my beck and call; without them i wouldn't be here, literally. 

cait - thank you for believing in me when i don't believe in myself. thank you for wiping my tears and assuring me that tomorrow is another day. i may never move on and i may always have my days; for that i am sorry yet grateful. it makes us stronger - it makes me better. above all else, thank you for loving me unconditionally even when it is hard, showing me life and giving me purpose, and helping my family put me back together. i love you eternally. i dont want to let you down. 

tonight - arlington priest

i can see forever in your eyes

when you're with me i can almost touch the sky

through the storms i wade

is the love we made surrounds me as i fall

and i dont want to let you down

no i dont want to let you down

give me strength to stand on my own

give me words to live what i learn

love me when i'm far from that road tonight as you lay me down

i dont want to let you down, no i dont want to let you down

tonight, tonight, tonight

show me wisdom beyond my years

show me how to hold back my tears

quiet all my deepest fears, tonight as you lay me down

i dont want to let you down, no i dont want to let you down

tonight, tonight, tonight

give me time to show that i've grown

give me peace when quiet is gone

let me know i'm not alone tonight as you lay me down

see i dont want to let you down, no i dont want to let you down

now i  lay me down to sleep,

i hear your voice in every beat of your heart

tonight, tonight