this.made.me.laugh.

post below by way of an old friend winn elliott, found at winnelliott.com

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart .

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, Ialways hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had incl uded four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

purchased.

1. macbook pro

2. hurley pin stripe backpack

3. 8 gb ipod touch....that i am selling.

know anyone looking for an 8 gb itouch? i know where they can get one for $40 less than the mac store.

p.s. - i am in heaven with a warp speed itunes. my goodness, i think i fell in love with music all over again.

p.s.s. - david nail's debut cd is fan-ta-mazing. one song written by sean mcconnell. one song writtn by gary levox. one song written by kenny chesney. not to mention david's voice is woah.

i.just.remembered.

i was the m.o.h. in my cousin's wedding in may....and i wore two hair bands on my right wrist the entire time. it didn't dawn on me until we were on our way "home" after the reception. i'm classy.

so.far.so.good.

it's saturday moring at 9:01 a.m.....i am happy to be awake!

we are 17.5 hours into the weekend and already, it's a good one.

last night we headed out shopping ((my favorite)) - two birthdays, nephew back to school, belk going out of business, and paint/decals for corn-hole.

let me start by saying i usually do not hog the shopping ventures, and if i do, i'm sorry babe - i was born to shop!

1. gap kids - two polos and shorts for maddox.

2. expressmen - two pairs of dress pants (bad ass, of course), a replacement lavender shirt...only this time xs instead of s....for me AND a bottle of express reserve for the resident fragrance queen :) cpg loves colonge.

3. belk (second time) - let me explain. we are walking back through belk to the car when cpg sees a pair of sevens for all mankind. i nearly choked. she found one pair that was my size and we are off. $189 sticker....for $54. FREAK OUT begins - SO happy. these are without a doubt the best jeans ever. round two - she finds yet anoher pair, a little different. $189 sticker......for $70. Another freak out. if at all possible, every human needs a pair of sevens for all mankind - they really are the best jeans, in the universe!

so the moral of this start-to-the-weekend-recap is, we still have two birthdays to shop for and we need decals and paint for our corn-hole boards.

time for a little cereal and the gym to run/lift - oh how i love duane and his training schedules. less than two months until the relay and 7 until the half marathon.

oh. yeah.

i instantly remembered as soon as i hit publish, that monday night was the sugarland special.

oh.em.gee.

if you asked me in 2004 if this small home town band would have a national television special hilighting the release of their fourth cd, i'd tell you that you were 100% crazy. not because this group of people wasn't amazing, talented and entertaining but because things like big record deals and international success dont happen to the overwhelming majority.

i watched with the rest of the country in awe as sugarland hit every note and conveyed every message flawlessly, thinking back to the days when cpg and i stood at jennifer's feet dumbfounded for hours and hours. and yes, i miss those days.

i'll have to find their old promo shot with my head and cpg's hand in the air.

rock. rock.

in the words of ms. nettles "ya damnnnnn right"

forgetful.

i think of so many things to blog about and then...i forget. i really need to start writing them down. let's see if i can get better. that's the new goal.

tonight we picked up our cornhole boards and they have been primed. i will go ahead and admit that my girlfriend whips my ass pretty hardcore EVERYTIME. we need to find more bags....red and black are NOT going to cut it.

i am so happy tomorrow is friday. i need to sleep passed 5:20 very very badly. busy week and i am whipped.

a little more boston baseball and then sleep.

random.ish.thoughts

1. trying this again, due to blogger eating my shit.

2. @publix tonight i bought texas pete, big red, and orange fanta....and i wondered why the checkout lady thought i had issues.

3. didnt leave the house until 6 o'clock this afternoon - nice relaxing day inside with her.

4. dinner with l.g. tomorrow night at red robin.

5. SUGARLAND live on the inside t.v. special tomorrow night at 8 est on abc - tune in. i <3 j.n.

6. our yard looks fantastic thanks to her.

7. terri clark's new live record is wonderful - she has a new self produced record coming out in september - i have loved her since 95, i thought that was wavering....i just had a short bout of cold feet.....all is good now.

8. i have been back in the gym for about a week now - it feels good.

9. mens relay sept 27th (unless i can find a chick to replace me in our line up) - its the morning after my next date with nettles. p.s. yes i am aware i am a girl in the mens relay.

10. cpg says "what are you doing?" i respond "putting up a blog." her "OHHH i need to do that." check her out here.