california.dreamin'.

few headless shots from our beach play date with a photographer friend. FUN!

L.O.V.E.

<3

yes.

excuse.me.

dear j. crew -

i do not have issues with you spamming my inbox with sales and free shipping and new arrivals. however, this morning i received an email regarding THESE:

please note, this is NOT okay...ever.

sincerely,

b.s.

the.world.stood.still.

five.words.that.couldn't.be.more.perfect.

beautiful girl in a beautiful little beach town. consistently amazed and constantly blown away. standing on the beach with her on her tip toes holding tight to the moment was a soul shaking confirmation that i'm right where i need to be.

act.of.valor.

amazing soundtrack....and i do not buy soundtracks, um EVER. this record is phenomenal. check it out on spotify...or itunes...or target. i'm sure the people surrounding my office are glad they have headphones!!

hands.clean.

signed.sealed.delivered(almost).

slammed the last door shut today. it was time. time to wash my hands clean and be finished with any and all unwanted/unneeded/unwarranted drama. house is in my name and my name alone. very liberating feeling to see my name on the deed alone. in the words of my girlfriend, "wohoo." finally i can focus on who and what is important and move forward without ever looking back.

she found this tonight while waiting in an undisclosed airport - she read it out loud and i had her repeat it. not once, but twice.

thank you s.c. for your words and understanding today and everyday. you make me a better me, and i love it.

tonight i am thankful for every hurdle or roadblock that laid in my path to where i stand today - the way that she makes me feel is unmatched and untouched by any other and it was all worth it.

procrastinating.

i've never been much of a procrastinator...i'm not sure what's going on other than i do not want to fold whatever has been in the dryer for a week (or 2) and i don't want to put the 8 pairs of jeans that are in the washer into the dryer...i'm actually nearly positive i just dont want to go upstairs.

wohoo for president's day off tomorrow. final decision making in o.c. wardrobe debacle needs to wrap by wednesday for sure.

in other news:

-sometimes letting people say what they need to say to gain closure isn't really the satisfaction you intended to give them. however, i'm in a happier place. a place i never knew until recently. if not for ms. socal i'd still be beating myself up over the trivial selfish exchange. all i need to say is that i was right all along.

-however, i did get the better end of THAT deal. i am beyond happy that i have found my girls. good things happen to good people, and i'm the luckiest bitch on earth.

-this weekend i shopped (shocking!). more little boys polos...they fit so damn good and that takes me up to 13 for the season.

-express with my brother for hours and hours on saturday....i swear people don't know what to think of us when we are together. hello, solid v neck t-shirts, i have missed you. in case anyone was wondering the new loyalty cologne is AH-MAZING. i mean, quite literally i have walked around with a piece of paper pressed to my nose for two days. i'm hoping socal has the same reaction :)

-more jeans getting hemmed! i freely admit i'm a snot about denim!

-WE FOUND THE PURPLE STILETTOS!!! of course by we i mean, some girls at work! discontinued steve maddens.

-downloaded penultimate app on the ipad...SO FUN! i have been writing notes to socal and emailing them over in my handwriting....dont you know she is having a blast deciphering that!

-few more days (4 to be exact) until i am holding the most beautiful woman on the planet, and i mean that. she is freakin' gorgeous (inside and out).

alright, alright. laundry switch...then a skype date :)

cute!!

just skyped a princess.....it's true. she melted my face off.

this child's laugh will change a heart of stone. the curls and smile and her perfect little purple nails - she is her mother's kid, without a doubt!! and i love it. a lot.

from the kaleidoscope to the striped pants to the tickling to the "why is my movie paused?" i watched in awe - hugging her tiny frame might just set me free(er) :) only because hugging her mom is pretty damn amazing.

tomorrow is friday....that means YES, i have 1 more week and i'll be headed to the o.c. bright and early. flying made me nervous for my entire life...now, none.

pretty sure that THIS is what i have been missing...heart, soul, and dreams, in the palm of her hand.

"go and take a ride on the back of a butterfly, there's no better way to fly, just get to me" - train

10.things.

1. no bananas this week = terrible muscle spasms....k+ supplements tomorrow.

2. in love with my new dre beats studio headphones.

3. fingernails are growing out of control! no biting since 1/25 (except ONE finger ONE time, oops)

4. polo jackpot last saturday - my little boys polos have been replenished.

5. jeep is almost done! black top makes a huge difference. love it!

6. loving my housekeeper. alot.

7. all 5 seasons of flipping out on dvd :)

8. watching lots of basketball games - both men and women. gettin' ready for march madness!

9. nine days until i'm back with ms. socal!!

10. re-read number 9 like it is in all caps with lots of these!!!!

wmlm - cracks me up!!

ran in to her at the botanical gardens in december. everyone of her videos is hilarious.

we.need.these.

HUGE under taking BUT, i/we have GOT to find out who makes these shoes.

this picture is pinned on pinterest by a million glitter loving girls, including mine....however it is also on tumblr and other blogs. from the best i can tell, its a european shoe....regardless, i have got to find the maker!

sunday.

order of events this morning since it is subzero outside....bring back the 60s stat.

-feed jake

-medicine for jake

-start laundry

-cereal

-clean up some work ish

-decide i am not going to write marketing plans on sunday morning and go back upstairs

-switch laundry

-read

-sleep more

-fold laundry

-write marketing plans now that it is officially afternoon

i am sitting in my home office drinking water (yeah i said it) and streaming music from the ipad off the new imac upstairs. i am in no way technically challenged....i'm just technically lazy and typically continue to use what i know works....HELLO iTOUCH! 3 more marketing plans (so my lovelies at the office can stop complaining) and email before i can run some sunday errands. i'm on a schedule....m.u.s.t. s.t.o.p. s.t.a.l.l.i.n.g

smiles.

LOVE!!!

p.s. dierks and the fray....two great new records!!

truth.

o.c.d. and planner? YES! science geek and book nerd? YES! guitars and tattoos? YES!

having ms. california embrace my planner, my nerd, and my rockstar is beyond incredible. she loves everything i was led to believe was negative. when she says i love your planner, or i love your nerd, or will you play for me?, i'm still shocked. before, it wasn't ok...now adored. it's the little things she says that turn a little smile into a giant grin. onward and upward. we agreed, no more countdowns...i still know exactly how many days we still have to wait before i land at sna. tonight i heard "how many days until you're here?" and without hesitation 17 days fell out of my mouth. we were both correct when we said, it makes it seem so much longer when the days are numbered, however i love having something to look forward to and plan for. no limits. no rules. no restrictions. love us.

on another note, i just had the sweetest conversation with mini o.c. - lil miss had pancakes with whipped cream and syrup for dinner followed by brownie and ice cream for desert. i'd say she has her papa (who is a dentist) wrapped!! not going to lie, my inner child is jealous!! hearing her little laugh and her sing "monday, tuesday," made my night...couldn't hear the turkey song because she cant ruffle up her feathers in the carseat. DUH!

AND i just got a video about the 6 ducks that went down to the river! little girl melts my heart every single time! can't wait until she gets her valentines next week!!!

things.change.

1. for the first time since i was 4ish, i haven't bitten my nails in over a week.

2. laundry stays mostly caught up.

3. working on the picking nervous habit.

4. water...i drink more of it.

5. mascara...i wear it...again. chill, it's clear....keeps the eye lashes out of my eyes. (not too new).

6. cuticle ish applied twice a day.

7. i havent bought a hard copy cd since early december. all digital -HARD!

8. don't wear it? don't use it? dont need it? good will.

9. smile. laugh. all the time? YES.

10. happy? finally. this is h-a-p-p-y.

whatever was happy before, was comfortable and scared.