2014.

several changes all at once.

never much of a fan of change as a wee little she-lad or even as a young adult...or just an adult at this point, i am hyper-excited (that means really excited) about what is currently taking place.

1. i am marrying the love of my life in 7 days in an announced elopement. she will become my wife in manhattan. legally.

2. we.are.moving. for the first time i'll have an atlanta address. technically sandy springs but still we are so excited we can hardly stand it. the new house is beautiful and will be finished mid may. i am getting my man-cave at the ripe age of 29. immediate plans are coffered ceilings in the family room (per my almost-wife's request), fence the backyard, stairs off the deck, pour a patio under the deck, stall hardware for e.n.o. hammock chairs, and finish basement (hip, modern, and bad ass). we are very much looking forward to being close to the city, the airport, our friends, and other entertainment!

3. selling the current house. i most definitely became myself in this house. i grew up and found the independent adult within while inhabiting this house. that said it's the first time i was really able to be proud of who i am and the work i was doing. i'll always be proud of building this house at 24 and turning it in to a home. it's only officially been on the market for three weeks but we are getting close to a new owner.

everything will be wrapped up in the next 5 weeks.

happy and thankful that i get a second chance to dance this dance in our perfect circumstance.

Remote.

Coming to you live from the labor and delivery waiting room at Kennestone Hospital. We are waiting on Matty to make his entrance. We are alllll here, a whole gaggle of us piled up in the purple tower. 

Ps the blogger app needs to get with it and re-vamp to ios7! Otherwise, this mobile posting is fun. 

And now, back to candy crush saga!!!

spring.please.

with two weeks of snow and ice this winter, the entire city is ready for spring. 

flip flops, jeep, shorts, cut-off muscle shirts, pool time, vacations, berries, and even sunscreen. 

so many plans!

february is coming to a close which means our days should get busier, nights will get more eventful, and pockets more padded. first couple of months of the year are notoriously known for being the "slow," season for real estate...traditional and non-traditional. 

here.we.go. 

you.let.me.be.

this song is by a prolific singer/songwriter who is also a fabulous musician. i have loved her for years.

this song took on a completely new life when my love was excited to share it quite a while ago. in fact, i had never paid much attention to it until i snuggled in next to her on the couch to watch this video and pay attention to every word. she is out west on business this week and (as always) heavy on my mind.

melissa ferrick - you let me be

no.excuses.

i've been meaning to get back to blogging on a more regular basis. i spent some time lately playing with the layout and adding links here and there. i'm almost certain my entire social media life is all accessible from this one central location and i'm pretty happy about that.

few things:
- i've been reading...a lot.
- i love dexter. we've been watching the whole series. so good.
- my love surprised me with an iPad air for christmas and it's one of my most favorite things.
- second snowed/iced in three weeks. ready.for.spring.
- front row at the circus saturday with mom and dad. so fun as an adult.

30.days.of.thankful.

i am thankful:

1. to be loved for who i am and what i'm not. nicole schaeffer makes my heart feel whole, my knees weak, and my stomach flutter. she is the sweetest, truest, most genuine love i've ever known. to be thankful is an understatement.
2. for a mom and dad that are supportive personally and professionally. i'm lucky.
3. for a brother that looks out for me, who grew to  be bigger than me, and now looks older than me.
4. for the rest of my family for the love, support, laughter, and tears. 
5. for a thriving business that gives me a thrill each and every day.
6. for a business partner who is also a best friend - we just get it. don't ask.
7. to be driving my truck - it's a beast (don't tell me otherwise).
8. for each and every apple product that has landed in my hands, lap, desk etc over the last few years. you are loved, appreciated, and obsessed over often. 
9. to be jake's mom. i love him more than words. sweetest fella ever.
10. for my ability to play guitar and be as creative as need be within the confines of my guitar room.
11. to own a second car for sunny days. having the wrangler for the last few years has been one of the greatest joys.
12. for gummy vitamins that i look forward to everyday. and my health.
13. for friends both near and far - there are a select few that make me smile often.
14. to have the freedom that owning a business provides. (could be 30 days of thankful alone).
15. for the gym. hoping that this time around we don't fall out of lust.
16. for my o.c.d. and anxiety - while often a pain in the ass, it makes me who i am (largely).
17. for my home and who i share it with.
18. for hoodies - it's cold as shit outside. 
19. for toms. the keep me looking hip, with a cause, and their start up story inspires.
20. for iTunes and new music tuesdays. i love music and the instantaneous tap of a button on my phones brings me the latest and greatest every week.
21. for cookies because they are delicious even though i can't have them as often since they present a residual weight problem.
22. for coffee. the keurig at home or work, starbucks, mcdonalds, racetrac, etc coffee is a beautiful thing with equally beautiful effects.
23. for beer and the variety in which it exists. 
24. for books and my love of the written word.
25. to the makers of benedryl. that handsome pink pill keeps my chronic hives at bay.
26. to the real estate industry. while i pride myself on non-traditional RE, you have shown this scientist that there is more to being a professional than chemicals, muscles in a lab, and biomechanics.
27. for marlow's tavern and the perfect that is their menu (and staff) at the avenue. 
28. for email and texting for i pretty much despise talking on the telephone.
29. for second chances. i got it so perfect this time around.
30. for life. and all that it holds for me, and her, and us, and them. it is a beautiful ride.

obsessing.anxiety.29.

t.o.m.o.r.r.o.w. marks the beginning of the end of another decade.

i've got a year to do whatever i've said i'd like to do before i'm 30, over the past 28 years and 364 days. no true panic attacks.

age is a number. however, age has often been how i measure my personal success and failures over the years. at 29 the list of goals and aspirations hasn't stopped growing. all of my early 20s goals have been taken care of. apparently i apply quite a bit of pressure to myself and what exactly i can accomplish in whatever amount of time i deem appropriate.

so here they are, a few of the things i'd like to take care of before closing this final chapter and heading for the big, 3-0.

• sell current house and move to alpharetta / roswell area (possibly downsize)
• make $1MM at iCap in a year (between lee and i)
• give back to the community in the form of service projects with my not-wife
• stay active at the gym and be as fit as possible (you know, before the decline starts!)
• live to work

busy.fall.fun.

i have a plethora of things to get out in to the wild unknown, the wide open spaces, or the interwebs of the wwwdot.

cruise = amazing. caribbean = paradise. it was an amazing vacation. love the people. love  the countries. love the beaches. love the dolphins. love the sun, the sand, and the sea. seriously, perfect week with my number one.

earlier this year i converted my very windows-esque business partner to apple. hello?! FULL TIME mac user around here, folks. iCap is equipped with 2013 27" iMacs and at the end of October we got the new 15" MacBook Pro laptops for home, the hotel, the cruise cabin, and the road. yes, we are those people that have a full-functioning mobile office. we've come a long way since recycled laptops and anxiety riddled nights wondering how long we can hold on.

we (iCap) have been flippin', tweakin', twerkin' (no, no, no we haven't), buyin', sellin', and all out hustlin' for the better part of 2013. it's a rush only the other one understands. i can say, hands-down-with-out-a-doubt we love, love, love love what we do, what we don't do, how we thrive, working for ourselves (and sometimes each other), and our ability to "get it."

i recommend any of the following as gifts....for anyone!
favorite things: new mac computers (of course), iPhone 5s, bottlehook from new england, bellroy wallet, rei quantum messenger bag (in black), brandy clark "12 stories" album, "because i said i would"movement, defy bags, and  iTunes match.

other notables: i turn 29 saturday...i'm slightly obsessing over it. i bought an F-150 about a month ago and i love it. i'm shocked at the actions and inactions of some people in my family. i've been back in the gym for a tick over a week now and hopefully these 10 extra lbs will fall off soon. i miss the warm parts of fall already. both of my football teams are terrible this year. it's almost time for some more ink. i often wonder what uncle ed would have to say about my girl, iCap, and the family shenanigans that continue to take place since he left.

summer.

the unannounced h.i.a.t.u.s. has ended.

the remainder of june included an iCap business jaunt to tampa, a new client, busy workdays, iCap's first birthday and weekends spent at the pool with friends visiting from here and there.

july proved to be the most successful month for iCap monetarily. other highlights include asking cole to be mine forever in sign language with a diamond we picked out together, july 4th fireworks, and my love finishing her master's degree at UGA!

in august we kind of became normal. settling back in to life without her classes/papers/projects had us on a short beach weekend to destin, exposing her to a favorite dive in decatur, and planning fall weekends.

first week of september spent with a shit-ton of family for the annual beach vacation, complete with too much beer, sand, and sun. quick trip to L.I. for a surprise party, football weekends with college on saturday and pro on sunday, and A LOT of fantasy football smack talk.

hello, fall.

waiting.on.6/3.

it never fails.

for ten years i have had silent tears run the length of my face uncontrollably as june 3rd looms in the immediate distance. it is a daunting lump in the throat. a fierce reminder of what has been, what was, and the long road to now.

now has ticked by ever so slowly one anniversary at a time, never once going unnoticed.

just after 9 a.m. on june 3rd, 2003 i was watching a darling 3 year old not knowing my life would change forever within minutes. by 9:20 my childhood best friend was on her way to start the journey to now. within 20 minutes, each 60 seconds long, i had been sodomized, sexually assaulted, and falsely imprisoned while holding his child.

there first was a standard rape kit within the confines of grady hospital. a year later a criminal trial and an aquittal thanks to an error by the fulton county grand jury's indictment. two years after that a college graduation in may followed by an intense two week civil trial. on the last day of july 07 i thought i heard the last words i ever needed to hear as preacher in his collar rose to deliver the jury's verdict, "we the jury find in favor of the plaintiff in the amount of $450,000." it was an instant relief. i could move on.

i have moved on. i've built a house. i raised a puppy into a charming four-legged prince. i managed a team that out sourced foreclosures for the largest backer of mortgage securities across this nation. i had a break-up that taught me a). i am worth so much more;  b). how to stand on my own two feet; and c). i didn't know what love was. i started a successful business with my best friend. i have fallen in love with my entire heart and soul.

ten years later: i am healthy. i am happy. i am successful. i am funny. i am myself. i am proud.

for ten years i have cried an ocean of tears and felt a mountain of heartache. i have hated myself and the dirt and grit that comes with survival of any kind. i have failed only to succeed and fail again. i have learned that tomorrow is another day and though it is by far the hardest day of the year, it is another day.

tomorrow: i will work for a company that i own. i will come home to the most loving soul i'll ever know; a face that looks at me with adoration, understanding, and love. i will be a mom to the heart that trusts me to take care of his every need and he will lick the tears away. finally, i will fall asleep in the arms that i call home.

i will cry. i will remember. and yet again, i will overcome this shadow that has haunted me for the last ten years.

there are so many people that i'd like to thank but the super short list is below:
mom, dad, tad, nana, meemaw, mary ellen camp, suzi sheckter, julie howell, and jake.

nicole, thank you for showing me love in a way that i've never known. i know without a doubt that THIS is what i never thought i was capable of. "i don't know how you show such gentle disregard, for the ugly in me that for so long i took so hard. but i truly believe that you see the best in me. i'm enough for your love, and that thought sets me free."

t.e.n.