etheridge and life

mle played chastain last night. i got cait and i pretty damn good seats - 8th row a little left of center. it was phenomenal.

the show was amazing! a few songs in, we locked eyes once the older ladies took a seat and sang:

“i wanna find me a car, with only one headlight

a straight 6 ford on a good luck night,

i wanna roll down the windows and teach you to fly

give you a thrill, the kind you can’t buy”

and i nearly freaked

she smiled right at me a handful of times...which WILL put you on a head trip.

being so close to a talent of that magnitude rocked. for the first time ever (that i have seen) there were TONS of empty seats. regardless, she sounded great and thankfully played alot of album cuts from all of her records and quite a few from the awaking....which every human should own. the material comes across very political but she has a way with words and melodies that is unparalleled in this universe. i love her more every time i see her live - go figure. the most entertaining songwriter. she rocks.

on another note, but not TOTALLY unrelated, i am overly content with my life now. i have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, and my career (yes yes it is) is taking off almost flawlessly. it is wonderful to be who you really are in a business environment. i really have the best co-workers around.

50 from jami

1) Favorite hobby? music

2) Have you ever smoked heroin? negative

3) Do you own guns? negative

4) What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? i dont go - cept for cherry limeade

5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? no

6) What do you think of hot dogs? i think i have to eat them sometimes

7) Favorite Christmas song? all i want for xmas is a real good tan - k.c.

8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? starbucks, juice, choc. milk

9) Can you do push ups? sure

10) Can you do a chin up? sure

11) What's your favorite piece of jewelry? cait’s ring, spinner ring, and tiff. necklace from the parentals

12) Do you like blue cheese? yup

13) Ever been in a car wreck? yup

14) Do you have ADD? i did at the beginning of college....i can control it now sorta

15) What's one trait that you hate about yourself? i need to lose 15 lbs....

16) Middle name? bailey

17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment..

1) l.c. is retarded

2) it is 10:30

3) melissa etheridge on friday!!!!

18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday

nothing!

19) Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. coke zero, bud select, gatorade

20) Current worry? fuckin continuing ed

21) Current hate right now? him

23) How did you bring in the New Year? with my girlfriend and my fam.

24) Where would you like to be right now? w/ her in the sand

25) Name three people who will complete this? eh

26) Do you own slippers? yep

27) What shirt are you wearing? under shirt...lame i know

28) Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? nope

29) Can you whistle? not well

31) Would you be a pirate? sure but i dont know what they do

32) What songs do you sing in the shower? deb, hinkle, halcyon, indigo’s

33) Favorite girl's name? mason

34) Favorite boy's name? jake

35) What's in your pocket? no pockets

36) Last thing that made you laugh? cait messing w/ l.c.

37) Best bed sheets as a child? i had boring sheets as a kid

38) Worst injury you've ever had? broken forearm...i think

39) Do you love where you live? yes

40) How many TVs do you have in your house? 3

41) Who is your loudest friend? hmm up for grabs

42) How many dogs do you have? 1

43) Does someone have a crush on you? she might

44?? why is there always a question missing

45) What is your favorite book? to kill a mockingbird

46) What is your favorite candy? twix and reeces

47) Favorite Sports Team? vols

48) What song do you want played at your funeral? um no

49) What were you doing 12 AM last night? sleeping

50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? i’m warm

5 years

the usual annual post...that i had no intentions of writing until i could not keep the lump in my throat a minute longer.

that nagging tear in my right eye has been there since i woke up this morning. the thought of this day has been hidden - i try not to think about it.

my mission: to finally put this in a safe place and move forward. i say every year i am not ready. i am not ready to stop hurting but this year, i wanted so badly to look up and notice that june 3rd passed without a second thought.

tomorrow i will wonder how i made it 5 long years and i will know the answers. they all have a name and a significant place on a shelf i call my heart. so many words are spoken out of admiration and respect - still it feels wrong. still a part of me is raw.

the bigger part of me wants to be that person that is capable of letting go, putting the pain away, and being the visual i feel that i should be.

in five years i have conquered 2 trials and countless days spent laying in the floor convulsing in anger and sadness.

the eating disorder sickening feeling has surfaced and i have faught it all day - another bout with that is the last thing i need...emotionally anyway.

i want to say that this song on my friend rachel's cd - has saved me these last few days. i love her and i am honored to say that i carried these lyrics in my pocket through my second trial in its entirety.

lean

it makes me wanna cry to see you walk through each day
like you're in hell on earth
there are no words
and i cant change the cards you've been handed
it's not fair and i cant stand that it turned out this way
so all i an say is

lean
if you need to
i will hold you
i wanna make this lighter and
smile
like you mean it
you dont have to brave it on your own
you're a fighter
but even heroes need to
lean

you wont show your scars to no one
always trying to be the strong one
and save the day
but you're not okay
cause you can't run when you're on empty
and i can't help if you won't let me
this burden you're draggin
ain't even yours to hold
so just let it go and

lean
if you need to
i will hold you
i wanna make this lighter and
smile
like you mean it
you dont have to brave it on your own
you're a fighter
but even heroes need to
lean

cry some tears
admit you're scared
and know that i'm right here so

lean
if you need to
i will hold you
i wanna make this lighter and
smile
like you mean it
you dont have to brave it on your own
you're a fighter
but even heroes need to
lean