timing.

timing is the key to everything; happiness, success, decisions, love, opportunities.

the key to timing is patience...which i lack.

chaos this evening.

texting four individuals while on the phone with another when my phone buzzed and in the midst of firestorms, thunderstorms, earthquakes, and hurricanes, i smiled. it didn't matter what i read, i smiled.

business texts, personal texts, picture texts, past texts, "maybe someday!" texts. i get it. i really get it. but it doesn't stop the heart from hurting or the eyes from crying.

Jake Owen - The One That Got Away

while i find him hilarious, skip to 2:44 to hear the best live version of this song

quick

the last four nights have resulted in a bedtime after 1 a.m. .... this leaves me scrambling for coffee, sugar free redbull, or diet dew to keep my eyes open in the office. never thought i'd see the day when working nights and weekends was busier than the office is during the day. in a few months, it will all make sense. it will all be worth it. it's a labor of love with one of my favorite people. we just get it.

suit shopping this weekend...j.crew or express. swag.

soccer game today, us v. france was phenomenal! i think i had about 10 loud outbursts in the office. looking forward to the game on saturday.

brandi is in atl this friday night, melissa etheridge tickets go on sale tomorrow (i will f'ing buy tickets this tour....been mad since the last one), kelly clarkson in a couple of weeks, sugarland in a month, summer is nearing an end and i'm just gettin' started.

with the nicholfam and my babies friday night, monday night, tuesday night, and i was supposed to be there tonight. a.b. is exhausted.

it's 10:20....and i am going to go upstairs before i get involved in another report, document, or outline. letting jodi picoult "sing me home," start the unwinding before midnight or later.

somedays.

somedays i am built stronger than others.
somedays i miss you more than i wish i did.
somedays i wish i could sit and play to an empty room.
somedays i long to be at the beach...with you.
somedays i ask why or how and then remember, this is life.
somedays i wish i could leave my heart at home.
somedays i wish i didn't fall for you.
somedays i wish i could just stop and others i want you back.
somedays are worse than others.
somedays i still love you.
somedays i know it is just time.

everyday, you cross my mind...more than once.

torturous.few.days.

one of my wisdom teeth craters got infected and decided to come out and play saturday night. sunday i saw the surgeon at noon to get some serious pain medicine and heavy duty antibiotics. he said i'll see you back in the morning and there is a good chance we'll need to operate. low and behold, emergency surgery first thing monday morning to dilute the infection and get rid of "most" of it. dr. c seems to think this recovery will be worse than the actual tooth extraction. we'll see.

i have additional craters in my cheek now and back to soft food. (i.e. mac n cheese, yogurt, and ice cream diet).

excuse.me.

dear atlanta, north atlanta, and the metro atlanta area in general -

the rain and the storms on a daily basis in july are not acceptable. we have had some amount of water fall from the sky everyday for over a week. you are fucking up my jeep weather, pool weather, and my tan schedule. get-a-grip!

shifting gears: you know that moment when playing poker that you know your hand can't be beat? yeah i have one of those hands...and i'm playing the dealer. too much information and a lack of intelligence on the other side might result in some catastrophic implosion of world war three if i don't have my retention bonus pending in my account monday afternoon. don't mess with my money....and don't short my check by ten thousand dollars and we can all go back to being frenemies until the bitter end (and i do mean bitter).

slack.

kind of a lot going on....but kind of not.

two weeks later, i am STILL dealing with these damn holes where my wisdom teeth once lived. holy shit. this is my primary annoyance at the moment. 

i picked up some of the "ibeats" yesterday at lunch and i am still trying to decide if i think they are as amazing as the big studio beats that i use at home/plane/car....etc. they are metal so they are heavy. needed these for the gym and to actually take a call in the jeep. haven't tried that yet but soon. 

the pop up severe thunder storms on a daily basis is great for my yard....but suck for the jeep.

pinterest has sort of taken over my life while i am supposed to be working....i'm surprisingly okay with it. 

i am over due for a date with the nail lady, it is so much easier to play guitar right now. for real.

number one again in june....number one year to date....number one for the 90 day average...number 2 for twelve month average. yep, this cut makes more sense every day. bitter...but i have a big plans. it won't be public for months. confident.

this girl i went out with all of once in early december now works in my building....that was an awkward moment. i sort of was a dick and just stopped answering texts. ooops.

heart.shaken.

she is married to a man i look up to. a man who thinks i compliment him. together plus one we built a successful team. a consistently number one performing team...often out of seventeen. i look to him for life advise, love advise, career advise, general business sense, affirmation of outrage, and often just a confident smile. his children melt my heart and their voices, coos, cries, and high fives shake my soul. while i think her husband walks on water and look to him as a big brother and sometimes a work husband, i look to her for the exact same things; though different coming from another woman.

almost a year ago i found myself lost and afraid of everything i thought i was. she yanked me up off the floor in fit of what was almost disappointment. i have talked to her nearly everyday since. when i have people tell me they love who i am today ten times more than who i was a year ago, i smile. i do too. she is able to give me the tough love opinions that are true and honest and sometimes sting, but i love it. i need it. i appreciate it. this family has changed my life.

their four beautiful children know me as aunt bailey. all four faces light up when i enter their house. all five us can fit comfortably in one chair. each brings a different layer of happiness and gratitude to my world.

last night in a heart baring "im nervous." "me, too" kind of conversation the confirmation of family and true love lay somewhere between my house and theirs. they are family. they are friends. last night i sat with tears streaming down my cheeks and a smile on my face as she asked me to be the prince's god mother. he speaks without words; with big brown eyes and and a perfect smile; soft hands with a tight grip; and the most sincere snuggles exuding adoration. this little man makes me a better me. his siblings make me a better aunt bailey and his mom and dad show me daily that i am good enough. i am loved.

pitty.party.of.one.

it's been four days since the surgery and my face f'ing hurts. no patience for anything that slows me down. the throbbing, tingling, and pain is intense. i'm glad i decided monday july 2nd was going to be a brutal recovery.

look, i knew i'd be uncomfortable for a couple of days but not four. sleeping around the clock with a sore throat (swollen muscles in the neck and head supposedly) and loose teeth is an annoying existence. my lil boy loved it - staying at gammer's house on the furniture was a nice treat for both of us :)

my mind has been consumed with thoughts of a girl that made me happier than any one human should be. that said, when i get sad i think about her. today, i thought about her alot. (she's beautiful in her simple little way). life is full of wonder, this is what happens when my "busy" is yanked from beneath me.

it's 102 (officially) outside which is hot as a hell in atlanta....and its not any more comfortable inside the house.

back to work tomorrow....and hopefully back to feeling like myself. apparently, she took the day off :(