somehow, i am not sleeping through the night. i haven't always been a good sleeper...i've certainly had my bouts with insomnia and sleep deprivation but nothing recently. i could go to bed at 9 or 10 and sleep until 5:30. now i go to bed at 11:30 and am wide awake at 4. i've always been able to operate on minimal zzzzz and i'm still operating just fine. problem is, jake now thinks we need to play and go outside between 3-4.
annnnnd there is another problem. i am not a fan of feeling like i should go to bed at 9, struggling to find something to do until 11 only to be up downloading moronic television shows on my ipad at 3. or 3:19. or 4:04 as has been the case this week.
life at the office is pure insanity. 110%. i love what i do. i love who i do it with. i'm good at it. not blowing smoke, i'm really fucking good at it. problem is, i don't know when to stop. i don't know how to put it away and do something else. i am passionate about performance. i am driven by our rank. i am motivated by success. i thrive on solving problems, skipping lunch, working late, and maintaining my reputation. that said, i have a breaking point. i dont think i have ever broken from stress, or the work load, the agents, or a territory. in fact, i dont think i've ever said no or walked away with questions unanswered, decisions not made, or utter frustration pushing me down.
i drove home in silence. complete silence. i had one conversation on the phone. one via text. then, i fucking stood up and decided that THIS IS WHY I AM WHERE I AM. i'm the captain of this ship and i'll be damned if a single pirate is going to tear down what my blood, sweat, and tears built from the ground up from 08 until now. i'm a performer. and perform is what we do.
TY to mom and dad who delivered dinner at 9 p.m. (salad, dont fret).
i am grateful it is thursday, that i have a team of some pretty amazing people at the office, that my boys hold me up even when they want to beat my ass, that starbucks was delivered to my office this morning, that mom and dad care enough to drive 30 minutes for dinner, that SoCal knows me well enough to say 'buck up', and that i have the sweetest four-legged boy that loves unconditionally.
and now it's ten.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
not.kidding.
good grief. it is only wednesday....i feel like it should be some time next week after how long the last three days have been.
literally yesterday, when talking to SoCal, i decided that it was wednesday...then realized our evening schedules were not in line for wednesday and suddenly she forced me back to tuesday. ew.
today tom (thomas, train, sweet-t) took the brunt of my excessive force and excessive cussing. sometimes i don't have the patience required to maintain my composure after repeated episodes of bullshit. today i lost it....more than once. so after tom calmed my red ass down for the fifth time we went downstairs only to find out that it was HIS turn to buy our drinks! how is that for turning it around. today we picked starbucks sparklers....see the following PSA for more on that fiasco. thank you handsome for being my punching bag. yikes....and stop visiting the farm without me. you dick. :)
public service announcement: the starbucks sparkers are weird as hell! its some random green coffee that they flavor to taste like juice and basically t-sweezy got ripped the f off! $8 for 2. ha. sorry bout your luck...back to red bull tomorrow!!
love driving the jeep at night - last night was on the chilly side. alright it was borderline cold. if i didnt have such big muscles, i am fairly certain i would have been cold.
finally, (because i just thought of this!!) if i had a $1 for every comment i've gotten on one particular picture of SoCal dancing in the living room i could pay april's mortgage. (this could potentially be news to one ms. SoCal, if you didn't know, you do now!). my favorite so far is from my super country housekeepers. "my gosh she sure is purdy, damn she is real real purdy."
literally yesterday, when talking to SoCal, i decided that it was wednesday...then realized our evening schedules were not in line for wednesday and suddenly she forced me back to tuesday. ew.
today tom (thomas, train, sweet-t) took the brunt of my excessive force and excessive cussing. sometimes i don't have the patience required to maintain my composure after repeated episodes of bullshit. today i lost it....more than once. so after tom calmed my red ass down for the fifth time we went downstairs only to find out that it was HIS turn to buy our drinks! how is that for turning it around. today we picked starbucks sparklers....see the following PSA for more on that fiasco. thank you handsome for being my punching bag. yikes....and stop visiting the farm without me. you dick. :)
public service announcement: the starbucks sparkers are weird as hell! its some random green coffee that they flavor to taste like juice and basically t-sweezy got ripped the f off! $8 for 2. ha. sorry bout your luck...back to red bull tomorrow!!
love driving the jeep at night - last night was on the chilly side. alright it was borderline cold. if i didnt have such big muscles, i am fairly certain i would have been cold.
finally, (because i just thought of this!!) if i had a $1 for every comment i've gotten on one particular picture of SoCal dancing in the living room i could pay april's mortgage. (this could potentially be news to one ms. SoCal, if you didn't know, you do now!). my favorite so far is from my super country housekeepers. "my gosh she sure is purdy, damn she is real real purdy."
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
obsessed.
i am fairly certain this is casey james' new single...best song on his record. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
love the way you miss me -
Girl the way you’re talkin’ now
And everything we’re talkin’ about
ain’t no way, no how
I can put this phone down
Even though we’re miles apart
I can feel you touchin’ my heart
Lyin’ here in the dark
Wishin’ I was where you are
CHORUS:
Baby, you’re driving me crazy
Girl if I could, you know I would
Be right there right now
Baby, you’re making me lose my mind
And I’m counting down the days ‘til I get home
I love the way you miss me when I’m gone
CHORUS
You know what I want to hear
Girl you’re comin’ in loud and clear
Like sweet music to my ears
What I’d do if you were here
CHORUS
Girl I hate these nights
When I can’t hold you tight
Because I know by your side
Is right where I belong
love the way you miss me -
Girl the way you’re talkin’ now
And everything we’re talkin’ about
ain’t no way, no how
I can put this phone down
Even though we’re miles apart
I can feel you touchin’ my heart
Lyin’ here in the dark
Wishin’ I was where you are
CHORUS:
Baby, you’re driving me crazy
Girl if I could, you know I would
Be right there right now
Baby, you’re making me lose my mind
And I’m counting down the days ‘til I get home
I love the way you miss me when I’m gone
CHORUS
You know what I want to hear
Girl you’re comin’ in loud and clear
Like sweet music to my ears
What I’d do if you were here
CHORUS
Girl I hate these nights
When I can’t hold you tight
Because I know by your side
Is right where I belong
Monday, March 26, 2012
bulleted.news.sorta.
depending on who you are...this may or may not be exciting.
1. today, i slowly opened the mailbox to discover quite a few envelopes (i love gettiing the mail...nothing good ever comes (except rolling stone), but i still love it....e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y!). i get inside and discover a white envelope from an attorney. finally, MY RECORDED DEED! officially official.
2. aggravated the sciatica issue that started 5 years ago. i had gone two full years and three months without a flare up...pain in the ass....literally.
3. spent two hours talking to my aunt friday night. she spent quite a while talking about the way that i write...it's the best way that i can get my point across. effective writer. if only words flowed out of my mouth this easily. regardless, thank you. i do love a comma.
4. my boy has been super snuggly this last week.
5. no thanks to SoCal, jake is still off the bed which means folding laundry in my room instead of down the hall is fab-u-lous. pretty sure he knows who the soft one is.
6. truth, i wasn't going to shop for clothes and then, all of my dress clothes were HUGE on me. who cares, except for the three day client visit..seriously tragic looking pants and shirts that could very well hold two of me now. my girl forced me to express to get enough to get me through the week...thankful for that. whew. that oversized-playing-in-your-dad's-closet look would have been a hot mess.
7. finished the girl that played with fire.....this trilogy has me captivated. it is very gruesome in parts and many people thought i couldnt get through it. lisbeth salander is my freakin fiction she-ro. bad ass beesh.
8. bought the sweedish blu-ray box set. soon as i get through the hornet's nest it is ON!
9. still weigh 117 though several of you are trying to change that. f'ing stop.
10. gold starbucks card...yes bitches, i am that into it.
11. black, neon yellow, and red running/trail/training shoes are on the way. dr. c doing his thing to cure the "leggish butt" before they get here.
12. not sure if anyone has noticed but i am excited as hell to be back to see my girl in less than two weeks."it's not that bad, could be two years," well thank you for that, gorgeous.
13. lionel richie's duets album = love! couple of them make me wanna dance....but i wont!
1. today, i slowly opened the mailbox to discover quite a few envelopes (i love gettiing the mail...nothing good ever comes (except rolling stone), but i still love it....e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y!). i get inside and discover a white envelope from an attorney. finally, MY RECORDED DEED! officially official.
2. aggravated the sciatica issue that started 5 years ago. i had gone two full years and three months without a flare up...pain in the ass....literally.
3. spent two hours talking to my aunt friday night. she spent quite a while talking about the way that i write...it's the best way that i can get my point across. effective writer. if only words flowed out of my mouth this easily. regardless, thank you. i do love a comma.
4. my boy has been super snuggly this last week.
5. no thanks to SoCal, jake is still off the bed which means folding laundry in my room instead of down the hall is fab-u-lous. pretty sure he knows who the soft one is.
6. truth, i wasn't going to shop for clothes and then, all of my dress clothes were HUGE on me. who cares, except for the three day client visit..seriously tragic looking pants and shirts that could very well hold two of me now. my girl forced me to express to get enough to get me through the week...thankful for that. whew. that oversized-playing-in-your-dad's-closet look would have been a hot mess.
7. finished the girl that played with fire.....this trilogy has me captivated. it is very gruesome in parts and many people thought i couldnt get through it. lisbeth salander is my freakin fiction she-ro. bad ass beesh.
8. bought the sweedish blu-ray box set. soon as i get through the hornet's nest it is ON!
9. still weigh 117 though several of you are trying to change that. f'ing stop.
10. gold starbucks card...yes bitches, i am that into it.
11. black, neon yellow, and red running/trail/training shoes are on the way. dr. c doing his thing to cure the "leggish butt" before they get here.
12. not sure if anyone has noticed but i am excited as hell to be back to see my girl in less than two weeks."it's not that bad, could be two years," well thank you for that, gorgeous.
13. lionel richie's duets album = love! couple of them make me wanna dance....but i wont!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
sun.day.ram.blings.
currently stuck with one blue eye and one red eye. i'm not sure if it was weed remnants on my fingers or shampoo but it burns and looks amazing...
now i remember why i pay someone to cut the grass and put chemicals on it and trim bushes.....i'm certain i wouldn't mind so much if the yard was smaller.....i.e. not on a big ass corner.
i've had my face glued to the tournament since thursday night or my nose stuck in a book. some people are just nerds...i own it.
woke up this morning with waffles on the brain (this is a common occurrence). texted my dad to see if he was kidding about making waffles. he said he wasn't kidding and to come on...i have wondered all day if he made them because i asked or because he was already making them. regardless, there was the perfect amount of batter. coincidence? i dont buy it.
laundry going. iPad charging. jake sleeping. fans spinning. lungs tightening. girlfriend flying.
right before i started cutting the grass, i checked SoCal's flights....both the one from FL to ATL and the one from ATL to CA. i'm not amazing at math (and totally rely on SoCal for all number related questions) so it took a second to register. almost 90 full minutes in Atlanta. wheels start turning (slowly because it's the weekend!) i hustle and get the big side and the front...and decide i dont have time to do the little side yard. quickly shove the mower in the garage and make a run for the shower. i'm in the midst of drying my hair when my phone dings. something to the effect of if my flight is delayed your ass better be there. at which point i blow my own cover....ill be there anyway. clearly i forgot that my girlfriend is paranoid flyer...kind of like myself and the idea of her going back through security to make her flight home means EVERYTHING must go off without a single hitch. what i also failed to remember is that in the last few months several of her flights have had little delays.
as badly as i want to see her, if only for 5 short minutes, i didn't make the drive. good thing because after she turned her phone off, 10 minutes later she turned it back on. they had a 27 minute delay before take off which shortens the layover considerably.
distance is hard...but i wouldn't trade what we have for anything in the world. when three weeks sounds like forever and feels like an eternity she reminds me that it's not two years. it's the little things she says that knock the air out of my chest. i'm grateful for every text, call, email, skype, flight, weekend, and mini vacation (soon). i appreciate her and every second we connect, both in person and on opposite sides of this country. soul shaker. it's perfect.
now i remember why i pay someone to cut the grass and put chemicals on it and trim bushes.....i'm certain i wouldn't mind so much if the yard was smaller.....i.e. not on a big ass corner.
i've had my face glued to the tournament since thursday night or my nose stuck in a book. some people are just nerds...i own it.
woke up this morning with waffles on the brain (this is a common occurrence). texted my dad to see if he was kidding about making waffles. he said he wasn't kidding and to come on...i have wondered all day if he made them because i asked or because he was already making them. regardless, there was the perfect amount of batter. coincidence? i dont buy it.
laundry going. iPad charging. jake sleeping. fans spinning. lungs tightening. girlfriend flying.
right before i started cutting the grass, i checked SoCal's flights....both the one from FL to ATL and the one from ATL to CA. i'm not amazing at math (and totally rely on SoCal for all number related questions) so it took a second to register. almost 90 full minutes in Atlanta. wheels start turning (slowly because it's the weekend!) i hustle and get the big side and the front...and decide i dont have time to do the little side yard. quickly shove the mower in the garage and make a run for the shower. i'm in the midst of drying my hair when my phone dings. something to the effect of if my flight is delayed your ass better be there. at which point i blow my own cover....ill be there anyway. clearly i forgot that my girlfriend is paranoid flyer...kind of like myself and the idea of her going back through security to make her flight home means EVERYTHING must go off without a single hitch. what i also failed to remember is that in the last few months several of her flights have had little delays.
as badly as i want to see her, if only for 5 short minutes, i didn't make the drive. good thing because after she turned her phone off, 10 minutes later she turned it back on. they had a 27 minute delay before take off which shortens the layover considerably.
distance is hard...but i wouldn't trade what we have for anything in the world. when three weeks sounds like forever and feels like an eternity she reminds me that it's not two years. it's the little things she says that knock the air out of my chest. i'm grateful for every text, call, email, skype, flight, weekend, and mini vacation (soon). i appreciate her and every second we connect, both in person and on opposite sides of this country. soul shaker. it's perfect.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
break.
because sometimes we can't keep going until we break. this morning...is one of them.
last night i realized that nettles has sang duets with SO many people...mostly live on award shows.
adele - chasing pavements
lady gaga - you and i
matt nathanson - run
rihanna - california king bed
beyonce - irreplaceable
ronnie dunn - let him fly
however, the BEST award show performance came in 2009 on the ACMs, check it. lyrics are hot...and her performance is less polished and rehearsed than some others. i do wonder how long it took mr. bush and mr. patton to teach her that itty bitty mandolin part.
what i'd give
last night i realized that nettles has sang duets with SO many people...mostly live on award shows.
adele - chasing pavements
lady gaga - you and i
matt nathanson - run
rihanna - california king bed
beyonce - irreplaceable
ronnie dunn - let him fly
however, the BEST award show performance came in 2009 on the ACMs, check it. lyrics are hot...and her performance is less polished and rehearsed than some others. i do wonder how long it took mr. bush and mr. patton to teach her that itty bitty mandolin part.
what i'd give
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
adorn.wednesday.love.
i have been thinking about this cover for the last 27 hours...for real. i found gabe a few years ago and he is phenomenal. OTS is his one take sessions. he sings and plays the song one time through....and that is what he uploads. this video sounds unreal on the studio beats....(and i'm sure the pro's). the acoustics on adorn pretty much force me to geek out. yes! no lie, this is 1000x better than miguel's original. wednesday love!
lyrics:
Yeah, these lips...
Can`t wait to taste your skin baby
No, no
And these eyes, yeah
Can`t wait to see your grin...
OOh baby
Just let my love
Just let mu love adorn you
Please baby, yeah
You gotta know x 2
You know
That I adorn you
Yeah baby
Baby these fist...
Will always protect ya lady
And this mind oh,
Will never neglect you,
Yeah baby,
Oh baby
And this thang
Trying to break us down
Don`t let that effect us,
No baby
You just got to let
My love...
Let my love x 2
Adorn you
Ahh, le, le, le let it
Just adorn you
You got to know
You got to know
Know that I adorn you
Just that babe
I, oh
Let my love adorn you baby...
Don`t you ever
Don`t you let no one
Tell you different baby
Always adorn you
You got to know
You got to know x 3
Now yeah...
Can`t wait to taste your skin baby
No, no
And these eyes, yeah
Can`t wait to see your grin...
OOh baby
Just let my love
Just let mu love adorn you
Please baby, yeah
You gotta know x 2
You know
That I adorn you
Yeah baby
Baby these fist...
Will always protect ya lady
And this mind oh,
Will never neglect you,
Yeah baby,
Oh baby
And this thang
Trying to break us down
Don`t let that effect us,
No baby
You just got to let
My love...
Let my love x 2
Adorn you
Ahh, le, le, le let it
Just adorn you
You got to know
You got to know
Know that I adorn you
Just that babe
I, oh
Let my love adorn you baby...
Don`t you ever
Don`t you let no one
Tell you different baby
Always adorn you
You got to know
You got to know x 3
Now yeah...
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
march.madness.
truth: tonight i showered and almost put on b.ball shorts and a cut off shirt to watch these first two play-in games, instead soccer shorts and a real t-shirt.
once i actually got home and realized how nice it was outside i was looking forward to peeling a little of the jeep top off and hitting the backroads...then i showered and died on the couch. that is no exaggeration.
it's been a few weeks since i have watched any basketball games where it didn't matter and i could just sit and not have to TRY to be quiet - tonight success.
in fact, i remember in early february my mom asked if SoCal had watched a football or basketball game with me. the answer, "uh, no. she doesn't need to experience that yet." this past friday night while the SEC tournament was going on she got a wee little glimpse into the passion and emotion tied to "important games." funny!
later, texting about our next 3.5 weeks apart while she criss crosses the country for work and i hunker down for another end of month sprint to top tier i reminded her that by the time i'm back the tournament will be over. her response "good!" though she did immediately follow with, just giving you a hard time :).
western ky's comeback these last five minutes vs. miss valley state has been incredible.
mom stocked the fridge inside and out while i was gone. fresh milk and a new box of cereal? yes please. cereal time since i was virtually in a coma when the call for dinner rolled in.
Monday, March 12, 2012
monday.semi.blues.
it's monday after a gorgeous, flawless, sunny california weekend. it's 3:15 on the left coast (ha) and 6:15 on the right coast. this is the first time i've attempted working from my girlfriend's house. success for me...the boys, not so much. i love being here. i love being with her.
i don't like the goodbyes....or the see you soon....or see you in 3 weeks!!!! call it what you will and for the most part i own it. it is what it is. always been this way. however, i am determined to change it. i think i get better each time. nothing is as long as the two years and three months between the first and second. makes the last few months seem like cake right? wrong. :) hearts are different now.
the flip side to that is that i always have something to look forward too...and i wouldn't change a single thing in this relationship. it's just easy and simple and happy and she is good for me.
no nail biting, laundry on the regular, be yourself, smile alot, cleaned up the wardrobe, reading more, working less, and learning to relax. i love it.
the weekend highlights:
mani/pedi
pizza, wine, and crazy stupid love
double date at eddie v's
target :) to spoil the lil miss
toys r us to continue spoilage (ha) of the lil miss
2 p.m. starbucks iced coffee date
a million pounds of strawberries
watched 3 movies
finally had wahoos!!! loved it!
three is better than four which is better than five. weeks are shorter than months which are shorter than years. i am very thankful to have this woman in my life, especially right now, and especially in this very special way.
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