monday.semi.blues.

it's monday after a gorgeous, flawless, sunny california weekend. it's 3:15 on the left coast (ha) and 6:15 on the right coast. this is the first time i've attempted working from my girlfriend's house. success for me...the boys, not so much. i love being here. i love being with her.

i don't like the goodbyes....or the see you soon....or see you in 3 weeks!!!! call it what you will and for the most part i own it. it is what it is. always been this way. however, i am determined to change it. i think i get better each time. nothing is as long as the two years and three months between the first and second. makes the last few months seem like cake right? wrong. :) hearts are different now.

the flip side to that is that i always have something to look forward too...and i wouldn't change a single thing in this relationship. it's just easy and simple and happy and she is good for me.

no nail biting, laundry on the regular, be yourself, smile alot, cleaned up the wardrobe, reading more, working less, and learning to relax. i love it.

the weekend highlights:

mani/pedi

pizza, wine, and crazy stupid love

double date at eddie v's

target :) to spoil the lil miss

toys r us to continue spoilage (ha) of the lil miss

2 p.m. starbucks iced coffee date

a million pounds of strawberries

watched 3 movies

finally had wahoos!!! loved it!

three is better than four which is better than five. weeks are shorter than months which are shorter than years. i am very thankful to have this woman in my life, especially right now, and especially in this very special way.

drink.on.it.

obsessed with this song....love the arrangement the most. second i love that it makes me feel like i could twirl a california girl around the dance floor.....anddddd i cant/dont dance. ;) third, only blake could get away with "he's such a prick," in a song.

fun fact - this song was co-written by one of lori morgan's ex husbands (no i dont know what number husband he was....and not keith whitley)

Drink On It - lyrics

Hey girl, hey where you goin

Come back and sit back down.

You look to good to be headin home so early now,

You say you gotta work tomorrow, got a lot on your mind.

Let my buy another round,

Girl I think you and I should just drink on it

Put are heads together and think on it.

Maybe later on we can sleep on it,

But for right now, girl we just need to drink on it.

We can talk rocket science, Jesus or politics.

How your boyfriend cheated on you,

Man i like to bust his lip.

I can use another whiskey,

And your cosmo's getting low.

While were tryin to figure out the next place we should go,

We can drink on it.

Put are heads together and think on it.

Maybe later on we can sleep on it,

But for right now, girl we just need to drink on it.

This place is closin now, but I don't wanna quit.

Got a good thing going girl, lets find out what it is

And drink on it.

Your place or mine, we can drink on it.

Dust off a bottle and drink on it.

Feels like we're doin something right lets find the corner of a night where

You and I can just drink on it.

Put are heads together and think on it.

Maybe later on we can sleep on it,

But for right now, girl we just need to drink on it.

Might make a memory that we wont forget,

So lets just drink on it.

Mhmmm, drink on it

today.

going into today i expected to suppress my own sadness and continue to deal with his death quietly alone. partly because death and dying scares me more than anything and also because emotionally i have a hard time coping with the heartbreak of others. sounds selfish i'm sure. it's not meant in a selfish way, i just know that i am too emotional to handle it.

my sweet baby brother fell to pieces early on and after talking to mom last night i knew she was certainly sad beyond words. safe bet to say our family wasn't necessarily looking forward to today, though we knew it was coming for a while.

busy week at the office coming off of an intense february wrap up and a phenomenal finish, i knew last week i'd be buried clear up to my hairline in reports and follow ups this week, not to mention the executive call, performance call, and silo busting call. my sweet california girlfriend is having a hell of a week as well so coming back from my lunch date with the fellas to some messages from her was a big grin baring moment. she convinced me to leave the office early...though not as early as she wanted me to. i stopped and grabbed some dark beer that we all liked and headed for the shop. i've never walked in to so much chaos in my life. papers, parts, and clusters everywhere. i fixed the computer so dad could print again, drank beer, and helped packed up the UPS which felt like a shit storm unlike any other. experience, yes. do i want to repeat it? NO - i'll stay in corporate america....thanks.

tonight it's joey, mom, dad, tad, and myself looking to just be together for a couple hours as we

lastly, thank you sweetheart from me and the family for standing your ground and not so gently forcing me out of the office ;)

364.

letter to uncle ed, one year later.

u. ed-

while i'm not sure abbreviating uncle with a simple u. is ok in heaven, i'm doing it anyway because i'm not the classiest of those you left behind. this year i have watched u. joey, your sisters, bros-in-law, nieces, nephews, and your sweet mom grieve the loss we'd all hoped and prayed would never happen. tonight i sit here in a quiet house alone, except for the growing guitar collection and jake (of course). yeah, alone. don't fret fine sir, i am happy. happier than i have ever been. who knew that a california beauty would steal my heart, mesmerize my soul, and adore my every flaw no matter how great or small? you would be so proud. my ears still perk up when i hear a song you turned me on to or one we'd karaoke to while you smiled that big smile wondering how on earth i thought i was decent. i miss your laugh. i miss the way your voice filled a room no matter how big or small. i miss your cologne, your hugs, prickly kisses, and the late night pep talks. your perspective meant so much - business, parents, siblings, sports, music, and just life. easter, birthdays (all of them), thanksgiving, and christmas were hard. i refused to put up a tree and get "all that shit" out, but mom and tad put up a 7 footer. we hung a saxophone and golden retriever at the top, then the three of us sat and cried like babies trading stories of younger days. tad and i both spent christmas eve at home with mom and dad - two single kids with two overly proud parents and all the beer and rumplemintz we could stomach. christmas day i looked around wondering when the door would fly open with a "merry, merry." i had an amazing year professionally but fell 7k short of that goal we spoke of in 2008. i'll surpass it this year. tad's house is beautiful with your old art and mirror. you'd be proud of the man jr. is today. he takes care of his mom and sister...and he loves jake. he's my best friend and we finally have a relationship similar to you and mom. other changes: my hair is longer, i'm 40+ pounds lighter, and i've got a japanese tattoo that goes from my armpit to two inches above my elbow. tonight i sit in jeans and a white undershirt playing my heart and soul out for you - it's brilliant in my head. "life may go on without you, but not the life we know."

forever grateful for every second we spent together. to say i miss you would be an understatement but there is no word great enough. as the tears flow like a river down my face, i love you, always and forever.

address in the stars - it's just as amazing on guitar

music.

the president should have to ensure decent new music releases every tuesday. i haven't been moved by a single record in 2012 and it's march.

jus' sayin'.

match.sunday.

iTunes match is rocking my face off. why? b/c apple finally realized that people need their music (all of their music) on more than one device...

i buy music on my iMac, macbook pro, iPod, iPad, and iPhone depending on which one i'm holding at that particular moment...iCloud does a good job of pushing the new purchases but the majority of the 8,000 songs were uploaded from a cd. iTunes match now pushes THOSE songs to all devices (up to 10) and keeps everything synced up wirelessly. in love? oh, yes.

$24.99 a year? yes, please. done and done!

on another note, it's been a boring slow sunday. ate cereal twice today (different kinds, duh), washed clothes (mostly the new ones i have been hoarding in excess of eight shopping bags for the last two-six weeks), tanned (max time!), bought bathing suits, got my new sunglasses fixed (tad's ass found them on thursday night...), read (consumed by the 'dragon' series), and guitar. didn't watch nascar or basketball today....i'm impressed...mostly with the basketball - it is ALWAYS on!

finally, looking forward to my feet hitting the ground in southern california in 5 days. by the time i am back, it'll be 12 days since i saw her....which is long enough. trust.

just.the.way.you.are.

bruno mars is super talented...whole record is phenomenal. this song makes me think of SoCal.

b. - you're beautiful

socal- blah blah blah :)

fave version performed at billboard studios. this guy is a total stud. enjoy. (song starts at .31)

for the record it's not just me.....undisclosed higher up today uttered the words "g_d damn she is beautiful, just gorgeous."

here are the lyrics - they make my heart happy.

Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shinin'
Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her tryin'
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday

Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look okay?
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are

And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
'Cause girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful


And I tell her everyday

Oh, you know, you know, you know I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for, then just stay the same
So don't even bother asking if you look okay
You know I'll say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are

And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
'Cause girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are

And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
'Cause girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are, yeah

california.dreamin'.

few headless shots from our beach play date with a photographer friend. FUN!

L.O.V.E.

<3

yes.

excuse.me.

dear j. crew -

i do not have issues with you spamming my inbox with sales and free shipping and new arrivals. however, this morning i received an email regarding THESE:

please note, this is NOT okay...ever.

sincerely,

b.s.

the.world.stood.still.

five.words.that.couldn't.be.more.perfect.

beautiful girl in a beautiful little beach town. consistently amazed and constantly blown away. standing on the beach with her on her tip toes holding tight to the moment was a soul shaking confirmation that i'm right where i need to be.