today.

going into today i expected to suppress my own sadness and continue to deal with his death quietly alone. partly because death and dying scares me more than anything and also because emotionally i have a hard time coping with the heartbreak of others. sounds selfish i'm sure. it's not meant in a selfish way, i just know that i am too emotional to handle it.

my sweet baby brother fell to pieces early on and after talking to mom last night i knew she was certainly sad beyond words. safe bet to say our family wasn't necessarily looking forward to today, though we knew it was coming for a while.

busy week at the office coming off of an intense february wrap up and a phenomenal finish, i knew last week i'd be buried clear up to my hairline in reports and follow ups this week, not to mention the executive call, performance call, and silo busting call. my sweet california girlfriend is having a hell of a week as well so coming back from my lunch date with the fellas to some messages from her was a big grin baring moment. she convinced me to leave the office early...though not as early as she wanted me to. i stopped and grabbed some dark beer that we all liked and headed for the shop. i've never walked in to so much chaos in my life. papers, parts, and clusters everywhere. i fixed the computer so dad could print again, drank beer, and helped packed up the UPS which felt like a shit storm unlike any other. experience, yes. do i want to repeat it? NO - i'll stay in corporate america....thanks.

tonight it's joey, mom, dad, tad, and myself looking to just be together for a couple hours as we

lastly, thank you sweetheart from me and the family for standing your ground and not so gently forcing me out of the office ;)