364.

letter to uncle ed, one year later.

u. ed-

while i'm not sure abbreviating uncle with a simple u. is ok in heaven, i'm doing it anyway because i'm not the classiest of those you left behind. this year i have watched u. joey, your sisters, bros-in-law, nieces, nephews, and your sweet mom grieve the loss we'd all hoped and prayed would never happen. tonight i sit here in a quiet house alone, except for the growing guitar collection and jake (of course). yeah, alone. don't fret fine sir, i am happy. happier than i have ever been. who knew that a california beauty would steal my heart, mesmerize my soul, and adore my every flaw no matter how great or small? you would be so proud. my ears still perk up when i hear a song you turned me on to or one we'd karaoke to while you smiled that big smile wondering how on earth i thought i was decent. i miss your laugh. i miss the way your voice filled a room no matter how big or small. i miss your cologne, your hugs, prickly kisses, and the late night pep talks. your perspective meant so much - business, parents, siblings, sports, music, and just life. easter, birthdays (all of them), thanksgiving, and christmas were hard. i refused to put up a tree and get "all that shit" out, but mom and tad put up a 7 footer. we hung a saxophone and golden retriever at the top, then the three of us sat and cried like babies trading stories of younger days. tad and i both spent christmas eve at home with mom and dad - two single kids with two overly proud parents and all the beer and rumplemintz we could stomach. christmas day i looked around wondering when the door would fly open with a "merry, merry." i had an amazing year professionally but fell 7k short of that goal we spoke of in 2008. i'll surpass it this year. tad's house is beautiful with your old art and mirror. you'd be proud of the man jr. is today. he takes care of his mom and sister...and he loves jake. he's my best friend and we finally have a relationship similar to you and mom. other changes: my hair is longer, i'm 40+ pounds lighter, and i've got a japanese tattoo that goes from my armpit to two inches above my elbow. tonight i sit in jeans and a white undershirt playing my heart and soul out for you - it's brilliant in my head. "life may go on without you, but not the life we know."

forever grateful for every second we spent together. to say i miss you would be an understatement but there is no word great enough. as the tears flow like a river down my face, i love you, always and forever.

address in the stars - it's just as amazing on guitar